Overcoming my fears of meditation
It was March 2020. The pandemic was just starting. Back when the roads were nearly empty because everyone except for a few “essential workers” was staying home. Back when we thought it would be just a few weeks and then this thing would blow over.
I was trying to figure out something new for my devotional time. Although the busy-ness of the world had seemed to slow as we all figured out what it meant to not go into work, the inner voice inside my head was searching for meaning in this new reality, and wondering how would I make money as a realtor and how would Ann teach in this new reality. Then on Facebook I saw an ad for a free meditation program for developing inner peace, offered by Oprah and Deepak Chopra. Free? That’s a pretty good price. I clicked the link, read a bit about the program, and downloaded the 21 Day Meditation Experience app on my phone.
This ushered me into a new experience each morning of bundling up in my winter coat, wrapping myself in a wool blanket, and sitting by the unlit firepit in our yard. With earbuds firmly planted, I pressed “start meditation” on my phone screen and away I went. I heard an intro from Oprah about the topic that Deepak would lead us into, and then Deepak would introduce an ancient practice of meditation that for me was brand new. Then with some gentle “zen” music playing, he would introduce a sanskrit phrase to repeat during the meditation, guide me through some relaxation exercises, and then leave me with silence for a few minutes. As I listened to him talk over those 30 daily meditations, there was an inner argument going until the final gong sounded.
One voice was the voice of my past.
“Meditation is dangerous, the evil one will use it as an opening into your brain.”
“God wants you to fill your mind with him, not empty it so the devil can access it.”
“With so much to do to save the world, what good is it to sit around saying ‘ohhmmmmm’?”
Another voice was the voice of my present.
“There must be a reason so many people do this and have done this for centuries.”
“Have you noticed how still and peaceful you feel when the gong rings at the end of the meditation?”
“Doesn’t God seem bigger and more beautiful when you’re doing this?”
“Saying that sanskrit phrase doesn’t feel right - so I’ll just turn it into a phrase of prayer to the God of the universe. There - that works for me.”
As I progressed through the 21 daily meditations, something started happening in me. For the first time in my life I began to experience deep stillness while opening myself to the God who created everything. I found myself opening to God to simply be with God. Not to bring my list of questions and requests and worries. Not to try to impress God by doing anything. Not to try to convince God to do what I wanted. Instead of all that, I began learning how to simply focus on the amazing miracle that I was breathing. My heart was beating. My body was receiving oxygen every few seconds and exhaling carbon dioxide every few seconds. I was receiving life without doing anything to earn it, and in exchange my body was giving a source of life to the grass, shrubs, and trees. As I made my way a few minutes into each meditation I sensed my mind slowing down from all the distracting thoughts and settling on some amazing beauty. Life is a gift. Each breath is a gift. Each heartbeat is a gift.
This created in me a sense of calm concurrent with a sense of deep wonder at the wisdom and goodness of God for creating this planet with an atmosphere that supports life at so many levels.
And then, the voice of my present asserted itself: “How could I have missed out on this for so long? This is exactly what my soul needed.” The amazing thing I’ve experience is my worship of God has become richer from using this ancient practice developed and perfected by Buddhist monks.
For so many years I was afraid of this good gift that God was waiting to give me. I had believed what people told me about it who had never experienced it for themselves instead of those who had. I held the belief that if it was good it would be under the heading of “Christianity” and nothing good could be under the heading “Buddhist”. But isn’t it true that if it’s good, God is in it and God is the author of it? Yes. If it’s true, God is in it and is the author of it regardless of the heading and the category it may be filed under by well meaning people trying to follow Jesus. Like me.
So I’m grateful I’ve learned that this beautiful story I’m living in has now opened up to the beauty of meditation. It’s a gift I did not expect. But aren’t those gifts the best kind?
If you’d like to learn more about the 21 day resource that got me started on this adventure, here’s the link. https://chopracentermeditation.com/article/6-oprah_deepaks_21_day_meditation_experience
If you’re ready, download the “21 Day Meditation Experience” app on your phone to get started.
Another amazing resource is the “Headspace” app which provides 10 free introductory lessons to mindfulness meditation. These 10 lessons are available in a slightly different format on Netflix as well. For those not yet comfortable with a Sanskrit mantra, you’ll find the Headspace lessons less challenging to your inner voice.