In 2015 I stopped working as a pastor, was briefly unemployed, and then started working as a real estate agent. I had been a pastor for 23 years, since the time I was 23 years old. But actually my “ministry career” started when I was a junior in high school. While at a weekend youth retreat there was a “decision service” in which the leaders of the retreat invited the youth to consider seven “forward steps” in their commitment to God. Those steps included “accepting Christ” as step one, committing to a “quiet time” as step two, and went all the way up to committing to being a “life work recruit” at the pinnacle, step seven.

Congratulations! I was 17 years old and had just committed myself to being a full-time servant of God in my career. How long? Well, forever of course. Any other use of my life would be compromising on what God had called me to that night. That commitment influenced my choice of college and major at college, my decision to go on summer mission trips for 5 straight summers, and my career decisions after I graduated. 

But what happens to you when you make such a bold promise and then you decide you no longer want to be a pastor, or a missionary, or a non-profit entrepreneur? What goes on inside your deepest heart and mind when you decide to give a career as a real estate agent a go after so many years of serving God as a Pastor?

Shame. Religious shame. That’s what.

Although there was a huge sense of relief when I made this decision (read all about this process in “My Journey”), nagging shame-full thoughts interrupted my joy and my peace as a follower of Jesus.

“To whom much is given, much is required.”

“Remember the parable of the talents. Aren’t you being that servant who buried his talent in the ground?”

“How is God’s blessing going to be on your life any more? You broke your vow to God!”

“The call of God is irrevocable. God is disappointed in you now and will be until you get back to the ‘plow’ in the ‘field’ you once worked.”

“What are you living for now, money?”

Since I’m no longer a pastor I’ve learned to use a word for thoughts like these. Bullshit. And I’m trying to get faster at calling them out when they rise up.

What these thoughts point to is a very arrogant lie that I believed for decades in my walk with Christ. Simply put, I thought I was one of God’s special ones - one of his favorites. Although I often preached that God could use anyone, anywhere, what I really believed was the ones who took step seven were special. They were God’s favorites, the missionaries and pastors and evangelists. And I was one of them. Lucky me.

Now, six years later, I’m still working at rooting out this lie from my spiritual life. In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul describes all followers of Christ as one body with many different gifts. In the last paragraph he ranks these gifts, with “apostle” and “prophet” and “teacher” all at the top. Then he says “eagerly desire the greater gifts”. 

Although I knew better, this message got seared in my religious consciousness: as long as I was serving as a pastor, I was right up there next to the apostles and prophets. And God would be super pleased with me.

I should have known better, because I knew what came next. Paul’s very next thought was, “But let me show you the most excellent way.” And he then goes on to describe the most excellent way. The way that beats, hands down, the use of any so-called “greater gifts”. You know what it is. It’s love. 

He goes on to say that you could have amazing miraculous gifts and be super religious. But if you don’t have love for others in your heart and if you don’t understand God’s amazing love for you, you will be no more useful than a clanging gong or a crashing cymbal in someone’s ears.

Paul said the greatest gift of all is none other than love. And guess what? It doesn’t take following through on an adolescent moment of spiritual fervor, or a seminary degree, or a bookshelf full of thought provoking books, or a “Rev.” or “Pastor” title in front of your name, or even the ability to find 1 Corinthians 13 in a Bible to do what God values the most. 

Love. Love God. Love people. Love God by loving people. 

I need to say it again, for my own sake, and perhaps for yours too. God does not love me less now that I am a realtor instead of a pastor. God does not think I’m less. God does not wonder when I’ll get my act together and start up a church. God does not think I am off track spiritually. God has not removed any blessings from my life because I became a realtor. God thinks realtors are awesome. And teachers. And plumbers, and house builders, and tanning salon owners, and grocery clerks, and unemployed nannies. And yes pastors and missionaries too.

What is finally starting to sink in after six years of “non-pastor work” is God wants me to live in God’s love and follow where the Spirit of God leads. No matter what my official vocation is, my calling is to love God and love others. 

Last week, I had the opportunity to encourage one widow on Tuesday and another one on Wednesday. Earlier this week I was honored to hear a very vulnerable story from a co-worker and speak words of encouragement to her. Next week I have lunch scheduled with a man whose wife died a few months ago in a car accident and I’ll get to encourage him. Because I’m a real estate agent. I guess I must be one of God’s favorites after all.

And so are you.