An amazing thing has been happening since I gave up the fear of Hell. By that I mean the fear that people who don’t accept Jesus as their Savior will be condemned to eternal conscious torment separated from God. What’s that amazing thing? I’m becoming a better Christian.

Love used to be defined as making sure they don’t go to Hell. The thinking was logical. After all, if I knew there was a bear on the path ahead of someone I encountered on a trail, love would mean telling them about the risk and urging them to take a different path. And Hell is a lot worse than a bear on the path, obviously. And so, as the logic flowed, if I really loved someone I would center a lot of attention and energy on saving them from Hell. It made sense. But I found there were some negative aspects of defining love this way.

First, it always put me in the position of the more knowledgeable, more spiritual person in a relationship. I had the goods. They needed to get the knowledge I had. I was right. They were confused, or misguided, or ignorant, or in rebellion. Add to that the fact that I was a pastor for so many years, and the sense of a teacher-student relationship infected nearly all of my relationships. 

Second, I learned, taught, and occasionally attempted to use evangelism tools that felt a lot like sales techniques to me, and most likely to the person on the other side of the relationship too. It was called “friendship evangelism”. The basic idea was the starting place for helping your neighbor get saved from Hell was to befriend them. That’s a good start, since it beats knocking on doors of strangers to try to talk to them about eternal matters. But rather than just getting to know my neighbors because, well, they were my neighbors, everything I did in getting to know them became a foundation for “planting a seed” or priming them for a future spiritual conversation. I could feel the smarmy-ness of it. What was supposedly founded on love for my neighbor never felt like it. It felt more like disingenuous manipulation of my neighbor. I’m pretty sure they felt that, too. It might be why in 15 years at one address I didn’t get much beyond polite cul-de-sac conversations with those folks.

Since changing my beliefs about a literal hell, and a point-of-no-return when a person’s heart stops beating I’ve been able to love people better. That’s because the pressure is off for having to get them “saved”. I’ve realized I don’t have to be in a hurry to get my friends to accept Jesus and want to become His follower. Because I’m not in a race against the limited amount of time they have here on earth. As I’ve learned to rest in the knowledge that God is not limited in the ways God can use to draw people into God’s love and care, especially not by the rather arbitrary limit on the length of time their heart beats, I’ve been freed to relax and simply love people. I’m learning to follow the verse that I think is the best evangelism guide in the entire New Testament:

“But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience…”  1 Peter 3:15-16 (NIV)

For those of you that like a powerpoint presentation, here you go.

Step one - Revere Christ in your heart (that’s silently).

Step two - Live a life that makes people wonder why you have such hope in all circumstances (this is actions).

Step three - When they get curious enough to ask about your hope-full-ness, give them the answer you have found (now you get to talk).

Step four - Speak to them with gentleness and respect (this is the proper way to say it).

Step five - Never do anything that makes you feel smarmy or like a used-car salesman (stay authentic).

That’s an evangelism plan I can live with for a long time!

Once the fear of Hell was removed, and the guilt I often felt about not being a very effective evangelist dissipated, then I started enjoying people who don’t share my religious convictions. Now I can just be friends with them. No bait and switch. No “friendship evangelism”. Just “friendship”. 

Since letting go of the fear of Hell, I’m free to love people for who they are and for the beauty I experience when I’m with them and for the amazing things they offer to the world. I’m free to laugh at off-color jokes they tell that are funny. I’m free to have a glass of wine, ok maybe two, and tell stories and simply enjoy being together. 

I can simply learn from them and encourage them. I can grieve with them the hurt they have felt, perhaps at the hands of Christian people in their past. I can just listen and reflect on the fact they just might be right, and there is a certain part of what they are saying that I actually agree with. I can say, “I’ve never thought of it that way” and I can say, “Thanks you’ve given me something to think about.” And then I’ll get the chance to grow. 

And maybe - just maybe - they will discover that they can be friends with a Christian. Maybe they will experience the love and acceptance and grace that Christ offers to them because they experience it from a flesh-and-blood person like me. And maybe someday they will ask me why I’m different from other people, perhaps even other Christians, they have met. 

And if that day ever comes I’ll just smile and say it comes from a long-term aim in my life to know and follow the ways of Jesus. And maybe they will become hungry for the abundant life Jesus promised.

All of these things started happening in me when I gave up on the doctrine of conscious eternal torment in Hell. And it’s a much more beautiful story, don’t you think?  Because I’m free to be a much more loving person. Which, of course, is to say I’m becoming a little bit more like God. And isn’t that the whole point of being a follower of Jesus, anyway?

(To read more about why my beliefs about Hell changed, read my post “Can We Talk About Eternity and Hell?”)